Bad Idea Dad: Spray Bottles

Money. For those of you that are parents, that is the green pieces of paper covered with the pictures of those dead old guys that used to be important. Before your child, or if you are crazy, children arrived, you used it to purchase items of your choosing. Whether it was a hot date at the steak house followed by a movie, a new pair of kicks or the latest Apple product, you used that green paper to get it. If not, you probably stole it, but we do not have time to discuss that now.

Now, that money thing has disappeared. Every month, your dollars seem to flutter away. Your wallet is always lighter, although your Visa or Mastercard is probably heavier. Day by day, those precious dead guys seem to be exchanged for items that you never thought you wanted. In the beginning, they are exchanged for bottles, breast pumps and boppie pillows. And, of course, diapers. As time goes on, those precious bills are used for Stride Rites, sippy cups and Similac (possibly). And, of course, diapers. In time, the transitions will change. It may jump from Elmo to Barbie or Ninja Turtles. It will skip to dance, soccer, or swimming. Probably all 3. It will change to designer clothes, cars and college. And, of course, probably not diapers...unless they are for you. In the end, that money thing is gone. Exchanged time and time again for the needs and wants of your children.

Having been a dad for almost 16 months, I am pretty sure that I have this parenting thing down. Or, as kids these days would say, "I have it on lock." Read my blog. I am pretty sure you would agree. Clueless? Possibly. Awesome? Absolutely. And, I have no idea what "on lock" means. Regardless, I think of myself as a pretty saavy dad. Between doubling the use of butt paste for both the mouth and the booty and teaching my son (which I still deny) how to be Triple H, I am on top of my game. But, just when you think you have reached the pinnacle, your wife asks you to buy Sippy Cups.

The purchasing of sippy cups wouldn't be so bad, but your wife, like mine, has undoubtedly spent the last 48 to 72 hours tirelessly reasearching on Pinterest, Facebook and mommy blogs which sippy cups must be purchased. They are the ones that are BPA free, are easier to drink from, make your kid smarter and possibly cure childhood diabetes. These are also the $12 sippy cups. If you have twins, that is $24. Twenty freakin' four dollars...on CUPS. Now, while you stand in Wal-mart as some random kid rams a shopping cart into your cankles (What?! I'm still carrying some baby weight), you have a decision to make. Do I buy a 12 pack of Trojan's finest or risk it and get $24 in sippy cups? The risk might yield you with $36 in sippy cups and a mini van in your future.

The decisions, the consequences, it all weighs heavily. But, for the saavy dad, you snag a 24 pack of Trojan's finest and two spray bottles from the dollar section. Victory is yours. After all, kids are like hamsters...except the cage is a crib.