Saturday, June 1, 2013

Introduction to Bad Idea Dad...

              Just shy of one year ago, I was blessed to become a parent to my identical twin boys, Boston Jammer and Braxton Parker. This new experience, while still in its infancy, is extremely overwhelming. In a short time, my entire life changed. The challenges that came with providing for my new family were challenges that I have felt and, at times, continue to feel less than adequate to take on. Occasionally, I am terrified at what the future beholds. But, as I sit here on a Saturday morning, watching my two boys smile and giggle at one another, I know it is all worth it.

Parenting of the proper, good and loving variety comes with an endless and always multiplying price tag. That price tag includes the traditional dollars and cents, which you never seem to have enough of. That price tag comes with sacrifice of the random spontaneity that you experienced in your early, less responsible years. And, the biggest, most important, and ultimately necessary portion of that price tag comes in the form of your time. Time is love. It has been written by Abigail Van Buren, "If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money." While I often feel like I am falling short of providing that parenting of the proper, good and loving variety that I write of, as I get mouthfuls of slobbery kisses on both my scruffy cheeks I realize I must be doing something, even to the smallest extent, right.

On this demanding, miraculous and supremely rewarding journey that we experience as parents, we will all have feelings of inadequacy. We will all have those moments where we feel like we failed. We will all have those moments where we wonder if we should have done something different. We will all wonder if we could have done better. The difficult process of having those thoughts, those feelings, and those questions is what makes you a good parent. Good parents wonder if they have done, are doing, and will do enough in the future. Good parents stress about their children. And, good parents do whatever it takes to see their kids happy. So, if you feel inadequate and scared, question your abilities as a parent, and ponder the tough decisions you made as right or wrong then you ARE a good parent.

As a son of an incredibly strong and unconditionally loving mother and as a husband to the most amazing, patient and loving mother of twin boys, I am in awe of mothers. Their patience, good judgment and never ending love far exceeds that of the majority of their male counterparts (including myself). But, as fathers, our role is so very important. Whether you are raising a beautiful little chick or a handsome little dude, it is so important that as men, we teach them, through our actions how to show respect and love. Little girls marry men like their fathers. Little boys treat women like their fathers.

As parents (first time or not), we are learning the ropes together. You can read all the books and Internet blogs. You can listen to advice from your own parents, friends and doctors. You can watch movies, TV specials, and Oprah. But, in the end, parenting is a process of trial and error. With it comes the glory of success and the heartbreak of failure. With it comes joy and pain, pride and disappoint. It is not always pretty, but it is always amazing.

The idea behind Bad Idea Dad is that we are all learning. We all have those moments where we question our decisions. And, at times, it is healthy, necessary, and ultimately therapeutic to discuss those shortcomings. Bad Idea Dad does that. I will be sharing some of my comedic, questionable, and just flat out "What in the Hell was I thinking" moments. I will also be reaching out to other parents, mainly dads, for their bad decisions, comedic moments and those illogical thoughts that we all have as parents. It should be an incredible but bumpy ride. Let the laughs, the tears and the chaos begin.

- Justin Barrow aka The Bad Idea Dad