PERFECTION.
That's the word. The one that most often consumes my mind when I think of her.
Still, perfection doesn't provide the justice she deserves. To perfectly describe her grace, her nature, her love, and her beauty is an prodigious challenge; a challenge I have accepted, but one I know that I cannot complete. My meager words cannot properly place the beautiful, awe-inspiring crown of perfection, that should reside upon her head. Still, I try. Knowing full well that I will fail, I try. I attempt, with all that I am, to complete the impossible.
The impossible might be possible. It is of remote possibility; that if each word was painstakingly examined, hand selected with precision, and meticulously arranged; her incredible, unfathomable beauty might be described. Might is the key word. I am inclined to believe that even William Shakespeare might not have contained the vocabulary to accurately portray a beauty as indescribable as hers.
Since that day, the one when I was lucky enough to meet her, I have been infatuated with her. On a hot, summer day, in 2004, she caught my eyes, and they have not stopped staring since. For over ten years, she has consumed my thoughts; pulling my emotions in a million directions. As I sit here, thinking of her, I am overcome with gratitude for the beauty that she has injected, so effortlessly, into my world.
Prior to her addition into my life, the world was a bland wasteland. Color and beauty were absent. Desolation and pain were prevalent. Life was a mere stopping point in an otherwise pointless existence. However, through her grace, through her nature, through her love, and through her beauty, I was changed. My world was forever changed. It changed in so many ways that are impossible for me to describe.
Instantly, without hesitation, I fell in love with her. There was no second guessing or apprehension. There were no questions. It just happened; almost immediately. Quickly, deeply, and wonderfully; it happened. Intensely; it happened. Unexpectedly; it happened. Excitedly; it happened. We happened. Love happened. Head over heels, unconditional, true love happened.
Together, we grew. As two individuals distinctly became one, and yet, still stayed distinctly two; we grew. We became more together than either one could have become apart. Like the sun and the moon, the stars and the sky, the chocolate chips and the cookie; we belonged together. We needed one another. We improved one another. The beauty of one, became more apparent, when placed next to the other.
Time healed old, painful wounds. Scars began to fade. Light penetrated the darkness (still not a good enough reason to use the word "penetrate"). Love blossomed. Life began anew.
As she graced my life with beauty and love, I was indebted to that girl; the one that became a young woman before my eyes. She was the one that I craved; deeply and desperately. She was the one that I needed, unconditionally and affectionately. She was the one that I loved, forever and always.
On a cold, rainy, December day, I watched her. As tears streamed out of my eyes and my heart skipped a beat, I watched her. As she walked, beautifully and slowly, down the aisle, I watched her. To this day, I remember, with pristine clarity, the way she moved; the swish of her hips, the sway of her body, the slight biting of her lip, her gorgeous smile, and the vastness of love that resided in her eyes. It is all there. She was about to be mine, and I was about to be hers. Forever and always.
She accepted me "for better or worse," and I have loved her every minute for it.
With everything that we have endured, the pains and hardships that I have put her through, we are still together. All of those challenges brought us to where we are today. Without them, we wouldn't have survived. We wouldn't have been able to make it through everything that was thrown at us. The past two and a half years have been the most difficult, challenging, and exhausting of my entire life. However, they have also been the most inspiring, uplifting, and happiest.
In October of 2011, my beautiful bride, the love of my life, announced to me that we were expecting our first child. I was filled with a unique combination of excitement and fear. Panic consumed me as I thought of becoming a father. While I knew I wasn't up for the challenge, having an amazing woman next to me, made it easier. She had helped raise sisters. She had spent late nights helping with homework and baking cupcakes. She had worked with infants. She knew how to soothe crying babies, change diapers, prepare bottles, and everything else that it took. She was ready, which, in turn, made me "almost" ready.
As the time progressed, we were blessed with the absolutely wonderfully terrifying news that we were having two. As we smiled, ear to ear, we were both scared out of our minds. Our insecurities, the ones we had tried to keep hidden, came bursting out. How were we going to care for, provide, and love two babies at the same time? How were we supposed to raise twins? How would we survive?
The idea of two was scary. Somehow, through her, we kept it together. Her grace under pressure, her sweet nature of optimism, her overwhelming unconditional love, and her amazing good looks kept us going. As I watched her blossom, I stood in constant AWE of her. She was growing, not one, but two, babies in her body. She looked incredibly sexy doing it as well. There is something about a woman, who is or has carried your child(ren), that makes her more attractive to her man than she has ever been before. Baby weight, stretch marks, and everything else that comes with pregnancy are badges of honor. Those badges of honor, excite a real man, the father of your child(ren), more than anything. I often stare at my wife in absolute wonder. She grew my boys, at the same time, with her amazing body. It is a difficult thing to fathom, but it happened. It was miraculous and beautiful and wonderful. Since the day I found out she was pregnant, she has become more beautiful to me, each and every day.
As I watch her interact, teach, love, and thrive as a mother, I fall more deeply in love with her. The dirty shirts, the "I haven't showered in three days look," and the tired eyes are all more attractive to me now. They are a reminder of what we have made together. The incredible feat which she achieved, and the joy that it has brought into our lives.
She is amazing. She doesn't always realize it. She is far too hard on herself. But, she is simply amazing. She is an incredible mother. She is an outstanding wife. She is a best friend, a therapist, and a lover. She wears so many hats, and she wears them all to perfection.
As we have grown as parents, she has made up for the many shortcomings that plague me as a father. She has made our dynamic work, often sacrificing, for the good of the collective. I love her deeply for that.
When I try to describe her grace, her nature, her love, and her beauty, I come up short. My words cannot describe something so inherently remarkable. She is truly marvelous.
Meagan Tifferith Barrow, you saved my life. My book is more about you than Ziggy. The true story for anyone that follows it, boils down to one simple truth. Meagan, you saved my life. It is, always has been, and always will be...you! You are the one that makes my heart skip a beat. Because of you, my stomach is filled with butterflies and there is a smile on my face.
Ten years ago, I was a broken young man. I was ready to give up. I was battered and bruised. I was a shell of person. Somehow, someway...you took that shell and created something beautiful. You healed me. You completed me. You loved me. Despite my flaws, you became one with me. Because of you, I am alive.
Because of you, I am whole.
Because of you, I am happy.
Because of you, I am a man.
Because of you, I am a father.
Because of you, I am the luckiest husband in the world.
I love you, because of you. I love you, because of all that you are. I love you, because of all those things that I cannot perfectly describe; your grace, your nature, your love, your beauty. After all, how do you describe perfection?
The best way I know how is by saying your name. Meagan Tifferith Barrow, you are PERFECTION. Yesterday, today, and forever.
I love you with all my heart. I am indebted to you, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Love, Jammer
