I am not sure where to begin. There are so many thoughts and memories running through my head that I am not positive I can share the emotions I have properly. But, I will give it a try. Words, when spoken, have always been very difficult for me to express. However, words, when written, have always been a little bit easier for me to share. This is one of those times where the words just have to be written to truly be expressed with the emotion that I feel deep inside my heart. Please bear with me as I attempt to piece together my thoughts, memories and gratitude.
Today, as I stood leaning on the doorframe, I gazed proudly at my two little sons who had just completed their classic and timeless wobbly sprint down the aisle. As I surveyed the scene, I began to ponder just how far we have all come in this journey that we call LIFE. More specifically, I began to ponder just how far I’ve come on this journey because of the two of you.
As I watched Lee take Boston and Braxton into her loving Hawaiian arms, they both beamed with an indescribable pride and a simple joy. They glowed as she held them. In an instant, I couldn’t help but be overcome with an incredible rush of emotions. Tears formed. Paula, as you made your beautiful walk down the aisle, I thought about closing the door on your dress. But, as I know the consequences of crossing you, I thought better of the idea. As you approached Lee, with your gorgeous girls watching, I thought about how all the minor tweaks and the major changes played a role, both small and big, in bringing this collective group of people into YOUR MOMENT. It was a moment that I never thought I would be a part of.
As I looked around the room at family and friends…friends that we consider family and family that we wish we could consider just friends, a realization of the inexpressible love that I feel for the two of you simply overwhelmed me. It was one of those moments that everyone experiences, that priceless moment when something you already know and have known for quite some time is reaffirmed to you. However, this time is unique because it is reaffirmed to you stronger, more powerful and clearer than ever before. As the two of you stood, preparing to share your timeless vows, I had my own MOMENT while in YOUR MOMENT.
It is truly a difficult experience to explain, but it happened. While I have so much to say about it, I am not exactly sure how to express it. I am not sure if my feeble words will be able to adequately paint the picture that is in my heart.
Nine years ago, as I am sure Paula can recall, we met. I was a simple nineteen year old boy absolutely infatuated with the overwhelmingly dramatic beauty and stimulating sense of humor of your sixteen year old daughter. That is how we crossed paths. A young crush that consumed me had me twisted and turned completely upside down. At the time, I didn’t know your daughter was only sixteen. I am not sure I would have cared, but she didn’t act sixteen. She definitely didn’t look sixteen. She refrained from telling me that she was sixteen, so how was I supposed to know she was sixteen? However, regardless of her age, from the first time Meagan caught my eye (yes, I was caught staring), my heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t long after that first drooling stare that Meagan had me wrapped around her finger. And, thus my assimilation into this eccentric but extraordinary group of people began.
The process was truly a culture shock for me. As a sheltered little boy, I tried not to be judgmental, but I hadn’t been exposed to the vast varying changes occurring throughout the world. For the most part, I lived in my bubble, enjoying a level of comfort I had become accustom to. Even as a nineteen year old, I knew very few people openly practicing a sexual orientation different from what I would have considered NORMAL at the time. The only person that I knew reasonable well had not openly admitted to me that his sexual orientation differed from my own. Needless to say, when Meagan nonchalantly mentioned that you were a lesbian, I can guarantee that my jaw hit the floor. I know that some judgmental thoughts ran through my confused head. However, those thoughts were more out of fear of the unknown as opposed to any hatred of something that was different from what I considered, at the time, normal. More than anything, I was scared of myself and my own narrow mindedness that made my meeting you difficult.
From the second Meagan let me know of your sexual orientation, I was concerned. That fear of the unknown can be pretty scary. It wasn’t right, but it was there. I remember that I would always refer to something as “gay” when I thought it was stupid. It was one of those things that I never thought about until I met you. Meagan would laugh at me as I would say, “that’s gay”…always trailing off before finishing that disrespectful statement…only to end up apologizing and saying, “I mean, that stinks”. That small change was nothing compared to the bigger concerns I had.
I remember wondering how I would explain to my children that they had two grandmas. Two grandmas that lived together, that slept in the same bed and sometimes kissed. At first, in my mind, I wasn’t sure that I could do that. I was letting the narrow mindedness of society control my thinking. I was judging before I actually got to truly know you. It was wrong, but it happened.
Initially, as I nervously interacted with you, I realized one thing very quickly…you are a SMART ASS. There are countless SMART ASSES in this world…and then…there is you. I always fancied myself as quite the smart ass, but with you, I met my match. And, your daughter didn’t trail far behind. Over time, with each witty remark and exchange of playful banter, I began to relax. The initial unfounded and uncomfortable judgment that I subconsciously placed on you melted away. That initial judgment spoke many more volumes about me and the changes I need to make as it ever spoke about you. However, your unique ability to help change a judgmental soul spoke many more volumes about the person you were and still are. Over time, I didn’t think of you as GAY or STRAIGHT, which you clearly weren’t the latter. I didn’t think of you as a LESBIAN. I didn’t think of you as HOMO or HETRO. I just thought of you as Meagan’s mom. I thought of you as Paula. I thought of you as a friend…a smart ass, but a friend. After all, is there really any other kind of friend worth having?
While you had countless opportunities to judge me, to question my motives with Meagan and to push me away from your family, you never did. You accepted me for me. I don’t know why. I am pretty sure that I didn’t deserve it. Maybe you could see just how enthralled I was with your amazing daughter. Maybe I wasn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe you just knew what it was like to be judged without merit so you reserved judgment on me. For whatever reason, you refrained from passing judgment that could have happened so easily. Instead, I was accepted into your circle. While it was truly a unique circle for me to navigate at times, it absolutely opened my eyes to the real world. It opened my eyes up to change. It opened my eyes up to acceptance. It opened my eyes up to love.
Love. That word had new meaning then and it definitely has a new meaning now. Patience. Tolerance. Understanding. Change. I always knew what these words meant, but as I proceeded on this journey with your family, I made them words in my life. I took ownership of them by becoming one with them.
As my understanding grew into acceptance, my heart was breaking. Depression had tightened its insidious grip on me. I had already almost lost the battle once. So, as I struggled with myself, the two of you opened your doors to me. At a time when I was a serious liability, you accepted me. At a time when my family was away, when I needed family the most, a group of ladies became my family. It was a move that helped to save my life. It stopped me from slowly withering away. It kept me from hiding in the shadows until it was too late.
I learned love from a family that eagerly accepted me. I learned patience from inheriting two little sisters that never knocked on a door. I learned tolerance for myself as I understood that I was the one that needed to change. I changed because you taught me to understand that love doesn’t have requirements. Love is not limited to those that a portion of society deems worthy. Love is love. And, I felt love from both of you when I least deserved it.
From the second Meagan let me know of your sexual orientation, I was concerned. That fear of the unknown can be pretty scary. It wasn’t right, but it was there. I remember that I would always refer to something as “gay” when I thought it was stupid. It was one of those things that I never thought about until I met you. Meagan would laugh at me as I would say, “that’s gay”…always trailing off before finishing that disrespectful statement…only to end up apologizing and saying, “I mean, that stinks”. That small change was nothing compared to the bigger concerns I had.
I remember wondering how I would explain to my children that they had two grandmas. Two grandmas that lived together, that slept in the same bed and sometimes kissed. At first, in my mind, I wasn’t sure that I could do that. I was letting the narrow mindedness of society control my thinking. I was judging before I actually got to truly know you. It was wrong, but it happened.
Initially, as I nervously interacted with you, I realized one thing very quickly…you are a SMART ASS. There are countless SMART ASSES in this world…and then…there is you. I always fancied myself as quite the smart ass, but with you, I met my match. And, your daughter didn’t trail far behind. Over time, with each witty remark and exchange of playful banter, I began to relax. The initial unfounded and uncomfortable judgment that I subconsciously placed on you melted away. That initial judgment spoke many more volumes about me and the changes I need to make as it ever spoke about you. However, your unique ability to help change a judgmental soul spoke many more volumes about the person you were and still are. Over time, I didn’t think of you as GAY or STRAIGHT, which you clearly weren’t the latter. I didn’t think of you as a LESBIAN. I didn’t think of you as HOMO or HETRO. I just thought of you as Meagan’s mom. I thought of you as Paula. I thought of you as a friend…a smart ass, but a friend. After all, is there really any other kind of friend worth having?
While you had countless opportunities to judge me, to question my motives with Meagan and to push me away from your family, you never did. You accepted me for me. I don’t know why. I am pretty sure that I didn’t deserve it. Maybe you could see just how enthralled I was with your amazing daughter. Maybe I wasn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe you just knew what it was like to be judged without merit so you reserved judgment on me. For whatever reason, you refrained from passing judgment that could have happened so easily. Instead, I was accepted into your circle. While it was truly a unique circle for me to navigate at times, it absolutely opened my eyes to the real world. It opened my eyes up to change. It opened my eyes up to acceptance. It opened my eyes up to love.
Love. That word had new meaning then and it definitely has a new meaning now. Patience. Tolerance. Understanding. Change. I always knew what these words meant, but as I proceeded on this journey with your family, I made them words in my life. I took ownership of them by becoming one with them.
As my understanding grew into acceptance, my heart was breaking. Depression had tightened its insidious grip on me. I had already almost lost the battle once. So, as I struggled with myself, the two of you opened your doors to me. At a time when I was a serious liability, you accepted me. At a time when my family was away, when I needed family the most, a group of ladies became my family. It was a move that helped to save my life. It stopped me from slowly withering away. It kept me from hiding in the shadows until it was too late.
I learned love from a family that eagerly accepted me. I learned patience from inheriting two little sisters that never knocked on a door. I learned tolerance for myself as I understood that I was the one that needed to change. I changed because you taught me to understand that love doesn’t have requirements. Love is not limited to those that a portion of society deems worthy. Love is love. And, I felt love from both of you when I least deserved it.
Fast forward almost nine years and here I am. It is hard to believe. The concerns of an uneducated, judgmental and confused nineteen year old boy have been replaced by understanding, love and friendship. Today as I watched Boston and Braxton, your grandchildren, lead you down the aisle towards your loving partner, your spouse, your love…I no longer wondered how to explain to my boys that they have two grandmas. Yes, they still live together, sleep in the same bed and sometimes kiss, but there is nothing to explain. It is just love. And, in reality, can we explain love? Can we put love into words? Love has to be felt. It has to be experienced. Love is love.
I couldn’t explain my love for their mother, your daughter, or my love for each of them any easier that I could explain your love for one another. It is just love. It doesn’t need an explanation and I think that is beautiful. I can’t explain it, but one day they, like I, will understand. I can guarantee that it won’t take them the nineteen years though. They will grow up with understanding, tolerance and love.
No matter how you slice it, no matter what you think…love is love. No matter how many times I shake my head, it happened. A vastly different person attended your beautiful wedding and witnessed your union than the one that each of you met all those years ago. I have been changed, molded and refined by a group of unique, loving and absolutely crazy individuals.
Like a fine wine (PS: I know nothing about wine), or maybe a crisp Apple Cider, a refinement has occurred within me. The refinement is difficult to explain, but it occurred due to an absolutely perfect combination of distinctive factors: Victoria’s overwhelmingly caring and concerned attitude, Alexis’s complete lack of a filter and zest for fun, Meagan’s super cocky but wonderfully playful sense of humor, Lee’s unmatched generosity and enduring spirit (complete with loud Hawaiian laughter), and Paula’s unwavering, understanding example and super smart ass remarks. That recipe, as unstable and unpredictable as it was and still is, couldn’t have been better for me.
I couldn’t explain my love for their mother, your daughter, or my love for each of them any easier that I could explain your love for one another. It is just love. It doesn’t need an explanation and I think that is beautiful. I can’t explain it, but one day they, like I, will understand. I can guarantee that it won’t take them the nineteen years though. They will grow up with understanding, tolerance and love.
No matter how you slice it, no matter what you think…love is love. No matter how many times I shake my head, it happened. A vastly different person attended your beautiful wedding and witnessed your union than the one that each of you met all those years ago. I have been changed, molded and refined by a group of unique, loving and absolutely crazy individuals.
Like a fine wine (PS: I know nothing about wine), or maybe a crisp Apple Cider, a refinement has occurred within me. The refinement is difficult to explain, but it occurred due to an absolutely perfect combination of distinctive factors: Victoria’s overwhelmingly caring and concerned attitude, Alexis’s complete lack of a filter and zest for fun, Meagan’s super cocky but wonderfully playful sense of humor, Lee’s unmatched generosity and enduring spirit (complete with loud Hawaiian laughter), and Paula’s unwavering, understanding example and super smart ass remarks. That recipe, as unstable and unpredictable as it was and still is, couldn’t have been better for me.
It is a recipe that helped me find true love with my soul mate, a woman that amazes me every single day. It was a recipe that helped me stick to love despite all of our differences. It brought me two perfect and amazingly handsome twin boys. Boys that I am proud to raise in a family that is a little different. Yes, they still have two grandmas that live together, sleep in the same bed and sometimes kiss. It gave me a FAMILY, one as unique as any that I know of. It gave me LIFE.
I no longer worry about the future as I accept and love the present.
I no longer worry about the future as I accept and love the present.
Paula and Lee, thank you for accepting me. Thank you for looking past my many faults and judgments. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your special day. I feel privileged to have been there and witnessed the union of two amazingly special people. I am so thankful that my boys have yet another example of love, no matter how different some people may view it. Love is love.
All love is powerful. All love is special. All love should be recognized and accepted as such. All love faces countless challenges. Witnessing your love overcoming challenges is truly remarkable.
I love you. I am indebted to you. Congratulations on this, your special day.
With a heart full of indescribable gratitude and unconditional love,
Jammer
PS: Thank you for giving me such a beautiful and amazing young lady to share my life with. Sharing the journey of parenting with her has been the greatest experience of my life. I am indebted to each of you for her. Her amazing spirit of love is inspiring. Hopefully, those two little silly dudes help, in some small way, to repay some of that debt that I will forever owe.
